the grind

the nothingness

the smallness of every day

the weight

                       sinking in

                       of nothing

                                                           

                                                                      the wondering

                  

                      the waiting

the endless waiting.

please hold me together.

when your chest caves deeper than it should..

                                      

                           you're barely even breathing. 

so you go on aching.

like a blank slate- waiting to be written upon.
stinking eyes and a dizzy head.
the cutting wind blazing through the naked trees- just stand there.
deep breaths- caving chest- it still hurts at night.
everything is fine in the darkest blue of the starless sky.
everything is fine.
there's a stranger in the mirror.

stupid enough to care

i look back at an old me

i look back at that young me, that old me.

that silly old, young fool.

i recognize the mistakes, i've dealt with the regret.

later rather than sooner, i moved on.

and now i don't know where to go.

and i know thats ok.

cos' i'm here living and loving right.

i have nothing left to say. 

and everything left to give.

5 years ago

i felt like such a little girl

that same little girl from 5 years ago

you looked so grown up

so different from 5 years ago

you remembered my name

i never forgot yours

i don't feel any different

from that little girl

and now its got me wondering

do you feel different

from that little boy?

 

the fiddle that cried over the man who died.

8 handsome young men carrying a casket.

seeing but not feeling. pushing the wet thoughts away.

being the outsider once again.

and not understanding.

how one life comes into our hearts.

and one goes out.

that's all there is to it.

for rob

you've changed since last we met

your eyes used to sparkle

but now they hold regret

for all you once were

for what you could have been

you think you know for sure

they say its not to late to get out

but your so far in

what now are you all about?

stop pushing that string

just let it all out

and give out a scream

it won't make it worse you see

 to pull a little closer

closer to what you should be

~someone who knows there's more to you~